Ok le.

But no matter how much i want to,

Things are nvr the same le...

Everything has changed le.

You have allowed it to repeat again and again,

believing in the wrong person.

I have let it affect me,

trusting the wrong person.

It seems ok now,

but we all know deep inside,

its different le :(

i would really do anything to let us be like how we first met again.

But its hard. Its really hard.

I've tried. i really did. i know u try too. and i am happy. i really am:)

but its just different le.

broken promises. broken trust.

I really had enough of this le.
I trusted u the first time round,
u broke it.
I gave u a second chance,
u broke it again.
I find it hard to trust u le.
then u said u would change.
and u really showed progress.
So i trusted u once more.
I gave u a third chance.
Now u have to go and break that trust again.
i SHOU GOU le.
wad do u take me as.
Somebody who is not impt??
just a fling or smth???!!!
u keep telling me that u and her are impossible alrd.
so y does she keep appearing in ur life.
do u know how impt family meetings are??
your EX can be there but ur GF is not.
y is that so?
and u keep lying to me.
i thought u had alrd kicked away that habit le?
i guess its hard for u right..old habits die hard.
u should just go back to be with that somebody u thought is 'impossible' with.
this is really really ridiculous.
WTH.

Relationship = Game

The Love Relationship is like a Game.

There are 3 endings to it.

It's either a win-win situation

where everybody lives happily ever after.

Or a win-lose situation

where the victor moves on and the loser breaks down

The last one would be the lose-lose situation.

It is where both parties do not want to leave but they have got no choice.

I would really want to experience the first option.

But Somehow, having to find the right one is really difficult.

Has he appeared alrd??

hmm...im still wondering and waiting for some signs...

P.s When u r in a rs with somebody, and he/she doesnt want to admit being in a rs with u.

and meanwhile keep telling other people that he is single, does this mean that he is not the right one? is it time to move on? or do i have to wait painfully and see?

?

Will you really Change?

THE 3 CRITS

Its simple what i want in a man.

• I want a man who is loyal and faithful (no flirting)

• I want a guy who can always be honest with me and doesnt lie (to share with me his ups and downs and all the stuff that happened to him in life)

• I want a guy who loves me for me and just me.

These are 3 sentence to summarise what i wrote initially.

This was wad i typed before ...

I REALLY REALLY want us to be happy tgt once more.

but i think its kinda impossible now le isnt it?

we cant go back even if we tried.

its sad seriously.

i dont know why u have to do this to me from the start.

Is it me?It must be me.

Did i not give u enough love?

Did i give u insecurities from the start?

Did i do smth wrong to u?

U might think i dont know anything that ure doing now.

but im sorry to tell u tht i do.

And im really sorry that we have to come to this kind of stage.

You know,

All im asking is for u to be loyal and not flirt arnd.

And love only me.

It's really that simple.

we can take away those swt talks

We can take away those presents.

What i want is really so simple.

To love me, only me.

To tell the truth, dont lie.

To be loyal and faithful, stop flirting

Thats all!

But its really difficult to accomplish those 3 criterias isnt it?

Can u see y i say we're like strangers alrd?

Because i found out i dont really know the person i thought i knew,

the perfect guy i want,

The you that doesnt lie,

The you that doesnt flirt.

The you who loves only me

that was last time. we were so happy..

Now, i had to know the real u.

thts y,now, ure just like a stranger.

A normal man. who does all of the above and is not ready for me.

not ready to get into a serious and real rs.

Its really upsetting.

I am not exactly happy right now.

Y does mine always go wrong?

How come some people de relationship can be so perfect?

Perfect as in they quarrel,

They make up.

They still stay in love

There is still trust.

How come mine cant?

Wads wrong with me?

I always thought i found the right man.

Everything was so perfect.

But out of all the things, the most important criteria of a rs has to be destroyed bcos u think its alright to do that.

I really feel wasted that our rs has to go wrong

bcos of what u had done

Its really such a waste.

Summary of my Thoughts 010711

This kind of thing just keeps repeating itself.

Then when we're about to try smth new to change it all,

You protest about smth

and we're back to square one.

This is really frustrating.

We each have our own faults i guess...

I know u've been changing.

and i believe that.Really.

but i still cant help feeling insecure due to the lack of trust.

Which is why i would keep saying stuff like that, hoping u would really promise me and gimme a confirmation that u wouldn't do it again.

but as u promise, u also said that u cant really confirm what's going to happen in future.

-.-''' isnt that as good as not saying whatever promises u made

Can u see now?

Lots of thoughts are going through my mind. and im supposed to give u an ans tmr.

Hopefully u would like it.

If we cant contd anymore,

then all the best to u and ur prospective girls in the future.

Hopefully one day u would find a girl who can tolerate ur (this) character.

If we were to have one more chance to move forward tgt again,

i really hope we wont fall back into this same pattern once more...

Beyoncé Performing "Independent Women, Bootylicious, Survivor, Bonnie & ...

i love her lei.
like ALOT!

We are a pair of sick couple-.-
zzz...
but thanks for sending me home when ure not feeling well baby.
:)
hopefully ure well enough today liao silly boy.
muacks!

Us

In the past,

We are like a plain smooth piece of paper.

Shortly after, it was taken and crushed hardly.

We picked it up and tried smoothening out again.

Now all thats left of us

are lines after lines of wrinkled past...

And what we are doing now,

is trying to iron out all the wrinkles

to make it as straight as possible.

to go back to what we used to be

But...

It's never going to be the same again.

-Angilica Ong-

My Feelings. My Origins

I missed the good old days.

The waking up in the early morning when i was still little and being dragged to mama's hse to contd sleeping there.

The walking to kindergarten downstairs.

The preparation of the times when i go Park View Primary.

The smell of fresh unpolluted air in my face when i wake up in the wee mornings to take a bus to Compassvale Secondary.

Sigh those were the days~

Don't be mistaken.

I wouldnt want to go back to those days.

i just want to sit/stand there and absorb in this feeling that im feeling once again.

Life is pretty different now compared to last time.

And i suddenly miss everybody so much.

(NOTE: past and present is diff. although they might be the same person)

Yi yi, my mama, my daddy,my cousins, my sisters(and those times we had), my friends, people who were involved in my life in the past(yes, good AND bad)

.... and HER.

I miss Mummy so soo much :'/

I should go visit her soon.

y am i feeling upset everyday? its frustrating.

I want to go Taiwan fa zhan.

then i dont have to fret over silly stuff everyday

and i can do my favourite thing.

SING!!!

i wish i could just sing everyday freely

as and when i like.

but i guess being out there alone,

i would eventually still miss everyone at home.

though im doing what i love.

my family and frens..

sigh.

but i would really love to leave this country and go to a place whr i belong...

now im just a confused and not really doing what i want de girl :/

who is constantly worrying abt rs stuff.

Really dont understand what is so difficult in what im asking from u.

everyone can do that cept u.

u keep brking my heart again n again.

u ask me what u should do so tht can i gain back tht trust

previously, i know what to do.

now i just totally give up on what i should tell u le.

zen me ban?

can somebody tell me what i should do to stop thinking abt you and ur nonsense?

can u stop hurting me?

why do u have to hurt me?

mayb that love is not strong enough for u to want to protect me.

I hate that i still love you

Im heartbroken to have to do this.

Really broken.

I even want u to come back to me.

But Im afraid that everything would start repeating itself again.

being stuck in a cycle with no way out is tiring enough.

knowing that u think that whatever u have done is alright and u have not done anything wrong to me kills me even more inside...

Im sure you would make a good friend.

And yes, just friends. normal friends.

unlike ur current behaviour with that other somebody now.

thts not normal..

i should show u what normal means.

It really breaks me inside.

I love you.. but im going to get rid of this soon.

WJH.

Us.

Only 3 months have passed...

it sounds so short yet it felt so long

so much stuff has happened between us during this time,

you've suffered.

she has suffered too.

and i keep taking in blows after blows till i hv reached my max.

Now everything seemed to have quietened down.

everything seems like they are back to normal le

but honestly, the feeling between us is kind of different alrd.

At least thats what i feel.

mayb u dont feel it, but i do.

Before, we were in a peaceful n happy place

then that horrible hurricane has to come bcos u didnt settle some of ur past properly.

Not say didnt, u just dont see a need to settle it i guess.

what worries me, is that u dont think that it is a big deal to stay in contact with her in that way.

You want ur rs with me to last. but then u 2 keep doing stuff like this.

Sometimes when i would wonder y am i still here torturing myself.

i would ask myself, do i still love u as much? do you truly love me? is whatever u tell me true? have u been honest with everything? can i trust you?

now, all we were left are all the remains and destruction of that hurricane.

its all left in bits and pieces all over the place, exactly what im feeling now.

It's a horrible feeling.

Hopefully you can piece back all those pieces together.

And we would be alright like before.

And its great that u r honest with me now, like i have been to you all along.

Sometimes i trust u sometimes i dont.

Most of the times, i would think if u r still hiding things from me..

hais.. hopefully nth is going to happen in the near future le.

if not i seriously cant take it le..

SHITTY STUFF

Shit man.

i just posted that i love you so much

and i had to discover another lie.

what the hell.

can somebody kill me pls?

cos my heart cant take such stuff anymore.

you know i really do love you.

I know how getting insecured feels.

But, unlike me, u can put ur heart at rest.

cos i love u 101%.

hate this man. seriously.

We're back to square 1 again.

Lets see if she really does get it or not.

Meanwhile, since ure going to stick to what u all used to be originally,

(contacting ur ex when obviously she is still in LIKE with you.)

when its so obvious that remaining in contact wouldnt solve this problem anymore.

A Way Out of All These. It's Up to You le...

Talked it out already.

Everything seems like they are back to normal.

But then how come i still get the feeling that this problem is not going to go away?

hmm...

im so tired of all these already.

Normally my way of doing things would be just to stop everything though i loved the guy.

so,,, i have NO IDEA at all why u got a second chance.

True, its hard to trust u again.

And im going to give it a shot again.

BUT! this is going to be the last time.

You are seriously a great guy to me.

Mayb u are a great guy to everybody.

and probably thats y there is this problem.

think ur heart is not hard enough for u to make a decision that might be good for all of us.

But it is time to make that right decision le.

I'm not threatening you.. but there are only two endings that i can see.

1. Make the right desicion for us, though u might hurt abit now(but i dont see y u should cos u should have put down that r/s alrd before u entered another). but everybody moves on. Happy Ending.

2. Lose me, and, i duno,mayb u get back with her anddd.... yup. you're back to square one. Back to the past where u tried getting away from a long time ago.

I'd hate to lose you. but i have no choice. Now its all up to u, what u want.

and what im going to do now, is to trust u again.

Something that i have lost at the start, gained back and lost again.

It's really hard. So pls, once ive gained back, dont go about throwing that away again ok.

cos its nvr coming back le.

I love you. but i cant take these much longer....

and then there is another thing. oh gosh. too much on my mind..

another time bahs. this thing, as i foresee, comes after this prob.

so lets get this prob out of the way first.

im trying hard. but can u tell me how to gain back the trust again?

Can u just shut the hell up and fuck off?
i had enough le.
i nvr even offend u about anything.
but u keep provoking me.

and my DEAR boyfriend, u seem to tell her everything about us.
mayb she still cant let u go bahs OH. OR.. MAYBE u still cant let her go bahs.
i dont know.

true, mayb u say u cant fang xia that 2 yr de r/s
but how about ur new one?
ur past life is going to ruin ur current and future life i tell u.
'future' not indicating me only. but ur entire future life.
u can tell me u all frens only.
and frens chat..
ok, true. i tell my ex-es about stuff too.
but they are not bastards.
who bitch arnd and act like as if they own me.

I really had enough of her and all her shit le.
Know how im feeling now?
I am upset now.
trust me. You wont like it when im feeling like this.

the more i see u, the more i miss you.
howwww?
bleahsssss