Beyoncé Performing "Independent Women, Bootylicious, Survivor, Bonnie & ...

i love her lei.
like ALOT!

We are a pair of sick couple-.-
zzz...
but thanks for sending me home when ure not feeling well baby.
:)
hopefully ure well enough today liao silly boy.
muacks!

Us

In the past,

We are like a plain smooth piece of paper.

Shortly after, it was taken and crushed hardly.

We picked it up and tried smoothening out again.

Now all thats left of us

are lines after lines of wrinkled past...

And what we are doing now,

is trying to iron out all the wrinkles

to make it as straight as possible.

to go back to what we used to be

But...

It's never going to be the same again.

-Angilica Ong-

My Feelings. My Origins

I missed the good old days.

The waking up in the early morning when i was still little and being dragged to mama's hse to contd sleeping there.

The walking to kindergarten downstairs.

The preparation of the times when i go Park View Primary.

The smell of fresh unpolluted air in my face when i wake up in the wee mornings to take a bus to Compassvale Secondary.

Sigh those were the days~

Don't be mistaken.

I wouldnt want to go back to those days.

i just want to sit/stand there and absorb in this feeling that im feeling once again.

Life is pretty different now compared to last time.

And i suddenly miss everybody so much.

(NOTE: past and present is diff. although they might be the same person)

Yi yi, my mama, my daddy,my cousins, my sisters(and those times we had), my friends, people who were involved in my life in the past(yes, good AND bad)

.... and HER.

I miss Mummy so soo much :'/

I should go visit her soon.

y am i feeling upset everyday? its frustrating.

I want to go Taiwan fa zhan.

then i dont have to fret over silly stuff everyday

and i can do my favourite thing.

SING!!!

i wish i could just sing everyday freely

as and when i like.

but i guess being out there alone,

i would eventually still miss everyone at home.

though im doing what i love.

my family and frens..

sigh.

but i would really love to leave this country and go to a place whr i belong...

now im just a confused and not really doing what i want de girl :/

who is constantly worrying abt rs stuff.

Really dont understand what is so difficult in what im asking from u.

everyone can do that cept u.

u keep brking my heart again n again.

u ask me what u should do so tht can i gain back tht trust

previously, i know what to do.

now i just totally give up on what i should tell u le.

zen me ban?

can somebody tell me what i should do to stop thinking abt you and ur nonsense?

can u stop hurting me?

why do u have to hurt me?

mayb that love is not strong enough for u to want to protect me.

I hate that i still love you

Im heartbroken to have to do this.

Really broken.

I even want u to come back to me.

But Im afraid that everything would start repeating itself again.

being stuck in a cycle with no way out is tiring enough.

knowing that u think that whatever u have done is alright and u have not done anything wrong to me kills me even more inside...

Im sure you would make a good friend.

And yes, just friends. normal friends.

unlike ur current behaviour with that other somebody now.

thts not normal..

i should show u what normal means.

It really breaks me inside.

I love you.. but im going to get rid of this soon.

WJH.

Us.

Only 3 months have passed...

it sounds so short yet it felt so long

so much stuff has happened between us during this time,

you've suffered.

she has suffered too.

and i keep taking in blows after blows till i hv reached my max.

Now everything seemed to have quietened down.

everything seems like they are back to normal le

but honestly, the feeling between us is kind of different alrd.

At least thats what i feel.

mayb u dont feel it, but i do.

Before, we were in a peaceful n happy place

then that horrible hurricane has to come bcos u didnt settle some of ur past properly.

Not say didnt, u just dont see a need to settle it i guess.

what worries me, is that u dont think that it is a big deal to stay in contact with her in that way.

You want ur rs with me to last. but then u 2 keep doing stuff like this.

Sometimes when i would wonder y am i still here torturing myself.

i would ask myself, do i still love u as much? do you truly love me? is whatever u tell me true? have u been honest with everything? can i trust you?

now, all we were left are all the remains and destruction of that hurricane.

its all left in bits and pieces all over the place, exactly what im feeling now.

It's a horrible feeling.

Hopefully you can piece back all those pieces together.

And we would be alright like before.

And its great that u r honest with me now, like i have been to you all along.

Sometimes i trust u sometimes i dont.

Most of the times, i would think if u r still hiding things from me..

hais.. hopefully nth is going to happen in the near future le.

if not i seriously cant take it le..

SHITTY STUFF

Shit man.

i just posted that i love you so much

and i had to discover another lie.

what the hell.

can somebody kill me pls?

cos my heart cant take such stuff anymore.

you know i really do love you.

I know how getting insecured feels.

But, unlike me, u can put ur heart at rest.

cos i love u 101%.